Whether it be a colleague, associate or someone we come into contact with on a daily basis, we all have “friends” in some capacity.

A friend is simply someone we share a bond with.

Exclusivity plays a huge role here, because in building a bond with someone, you have to consciously make the decision to let them into your life on a deeper level than just the surface.

It is always wise to be careful (and mindful) whenever we make new friends, or decide to let someone inside of our “circle.” And the tips below will allow you to make no mistakes when selecting who you want to have a seat at your (proverbial) table of life.

Keep an Open-Ended Circle

Think for a second about the people who you are the closest with — these people really KNOW you. They know your fears, who you’re crushing on, some of your deepest, darkest secrets — they know how your brain works. This isn’t by mistake; you obviously take interest in these people — that is why they make up your circle.

The beautiful thing about your circle is that it is 100 percent, completely YOURS. This means that you are in full control. This also means you have the ability to open up a door and usher people out at your convenience.

The reality of making new friends is that it can take quite some time to discover other’s intentions. We can all attest to losing friends that we thought would be long-life due to them revealing their true character or them standing beside an idea that we just couldn’t get with.

We examine. We analyze. We adapt.

This process is how you keep you keep your circle tight-knit, and cancer free.

Intentions Are Everything

The best friendships that you will fall into in life will happen organically. I can’t explain why, that is just the way it works. If you don’t believe me, examine your closest friendships for a minute — did you force them into existence, or did they just … happen?

Your energy met their energy, then the intentions you shared led the way. It works the same exact way with the people who ended up becoming an acquaintance to you.

True intentions are exposed when people become vulnerable (which is often indicative of trustworthiness). But a vulnerable person is a person who believes in transparency. These traits allow you to see them in a light beyond who they want the world to see — they give you their true personality in its most raw form.

This is a friendship that you want, because a true friend will abandon their agenda for the sake of an authentic relationship.

Learn to Love People from a Distance

Contingent on your personality (and character), people may be very drawn to you. In a sense, it can be a bit overwhelming if you don’t know how to be polite about saying no. No one wants to be overtly rude and this is why we have to learn how to love people from a distance.

Some people just don’t (and won’t) fit inside of your circle. It sounds rude, but you know exactly what I am talking about. Remember, it is YOUR table — no one can sit there unless you let them. And at the end of the day it all comes down to chemistry; chemistry is the one important facet of friendship that can be affected if things are forced.

Not everyone that you come in contact with is fit to be your friend. Your table is set for your own individual objectives and set of fulfillments — not everyone who wants to be seated with you will bring to the table traits that are conducive to you achieving what you envision.

Keeping people at a distance doesn’t mean that you don’t love them; it is an honest, intentional act of maturity. You shouldn’t feel bad for analyzing your priorities, and realizing exactly what you need to gain ground towards your goals.

The most important things you can control are your time and energy — you don’t want to waste these things, and you want to invest with both wisely.

Do yourself a favor and cut off whatever is weighing you down.

Nigel Wallace can be contacted at [email protected].