The Parthenon

FANTASY GIRL GROUP DRAFT

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FANTASY GIRL GROUP DRAFT

Codi Mohr, Executive Editor

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Fashion Rocks - ConcertIt’s all about the girls this week in celebration of Women’s History Month. Inspired by Billboard’s Girl Group Week, the ladies of The Parthenon decided to do our own Fantasy Girl Group Draft. Follow the action, and vote for the best group.

THE RULES

  1. Each team selects one group member in each of five rounds. This will be a snake order draft in which the person with the last pick in the first round has first pick in the second round.
  2. Any female artist is eligible, dead or alive.
  3. All members are drafted under the “heyday” rule, which according to Billboard “means that players are drafting girl group members at the height of their performing powers, not as they are in 2015.”
  4. Each team will make a case for her team, and readers will vote for the best choice.

 

THE PLAYERS

  • Codi Mohr, executive editor
  • Megan Osborne, Life! Editor
  • Jocelyn Gibson, managing editor
  • Krista Shifflett, copy editor
  • Jessi Starkey, sports editor

 

THE DRAFT

ROUND 1

CODI: Ok, so Krista has first pick, which obviously means…

KRISTA: Beyoncé

CODI: That should just be implied. First pick just equals Beyoncé. Jessi, you’re next.

JESSI: Do I say one? Adele

Collective ooooh

CODI: Powerhouses starting early.

KRISTA: I’m mad at (Jessi).

CODI: Jocelyn?

JOCELYN: Janis Joplin. (At Megan) Did I take yours?

MEGAN: No, I don’t think I have her.

KRISTA: Jess took mine.

JOCELYN: That’s the one I was worried about…

CODI: I’m afraid I’m going to have to fight Megan for one, but I’m also afraid I’m going to have to fight Krista for some. But I’m a little more concerned about fighting Megan for my rapper. I KNOW we have the same one.

Megan laughs like she’s in pain.

CODI: I’m takin’ Missy Elliott.

KRISTA: gasps. You little brat!

MEGAN: (Missy) was my backup. Lauryn Hill.

CODI: I knew that would be on yours, but I didn’t know if you were counting her as rapper of vocalist or both, so.

ROUND 2

MEGAN: Meg White.

CODI: This is fun. I need a leading lady. I think I’m gonna go with Rihanna.

JOCELYN: Ani DiFranco.

JESSI: Christina Aguilera.

Krista screams in rage.

JOCELYN: I just love yours.

CODI: Uh oh, Jessi’s got some power voices.

JESSI: All or nothing.

KRISTA: Now I don’t have good ones.

CODI: Are they all just going to sing solos?

JESSI: with finality, Yes.

CODI: Ok… Krista?

KRISTA: Nicki Minaj.

ROUND 3

KRISTA: Hmm, this is tricky.

CODI: You already have Bey and Nicki, man, that’s a power combo.

KRISTA: All the rest of them are too, but maybe I should choose one that’s not so powerful.

CODI: I feel like you’re gonna get…

KRISTA: I think I’m going with one you wouldn’t pick.

CODI: I don’t know… you strategized out loud.

KRISTA: No, don’t worry, you’re safe. I think I’m going for Jhene Aiko.

JESSI: K.Flay. There’s my rapper.

JOCELYN: Alanis Morrissette.

JESSI: That’s a good one.

MEGAN: I love what you’re doing over there. I love it.

JOCELYN: She’s my powerhouse.

CODI: I have a rapper, I have a leading lady sort of, I need some harmonies. Well, if Krista’s has Bey, I’m going to take Kelly Rowland.

Krista sighs.

CODI: Nobody harmonizes like Kelly Rowland.

KRISTA: That’s why I was going to take her! I should have just went with that…

MEGAN: Florence Welch.

KRISTA: Oh! I hate all of you.

MEGAN: HAHA!

CODI: To me, Florence is like an individual voice though.

MEGAN: But you layer her with Lauryn, and you’ve got something magical.

CODI: Magical and weird.

ROUND 4

MEGAN: Grimes.

KRISTA: It’s gonna be a bunch of lame people left.

CODI: Woo, we’re getting some fun vibes over there.

Codi deliberates while Jessi impersonates Noah “Apparently Kid” Ritter.

JESSI: Apparently we’re picking some girl bands, um…

CODI: I’m going to throw out a wild card and go with Lady Gaga.

KRISTA: Oh my… listen, you people are really getting on my nerves. Codi, you little brat.

JOCELYN: Meredith Brooks.

JESSI: Ellie Goulding.

KRISTA: I literally, that was my one white girl… That was my white girl, there she goes. Jennifer Hudson.

Collective ooh.

CODI: Big voices.

ROUND 5

Jessi breaks into “And I am Telling You I’m Not Going…”

KRISTA: I don’t have one. What do I do? Amy Winehouse. It was going to be Katy Perry, but…

CODI: Yeah, I don’t think I would want her in a girl group.

KRISTA: She wouldn’t fit.

JESSI: P!nk.

CODI: Jessi has a very blonde group.

JESSI: I was going to say Blondie, too.

JOCELYN: The cherry on my girl group, Mama Cass.

MEGAN: Oh, nice! Yes!

CODI: Sia.

MEGAN: This could take it two completely different directions. I could go with my theme of the week.

CODI: You haven’t gone as punk as I thought you were going to go.

MEGAN: Ok, there’s not enough punk. Kathleen Hanna.

JOCELYN: Yeah, I was surprised Megan wasn’t more punk.

MEGAN: It was between her and St. Vincent.

THE FINAL LINEUPS

CODI’S TEAM: Coronation

Missy Elliott, Rihanna, Kelly Rowland, Lady Gaga, Sia

I went for structure, combining major ladies to form a pop supergroup. Rih and Gaga both have huge front woman potential, Gaga with her classically trained pipes and Rihanna with her soul-piercing lyricism. Kelly can, as I said, harmonize like no other, making her the ideal backup vocalist. With Sia’s production and song-writing genius and Missy’s versatility and general ability to make any song into a JAM, my group is ready for pop music domination. Watch out Taylor…

MEGAN’S TEAM: Dear Feminist Activist

Lauryn Hill, Meg White, Florence Welch, Grimes, Kathleen Hanna

From the beginning I knew I wanted to build something around Lauryn Hill. I chose Florence for her soulful and powerful voice that I feel will play well with Lauryn’s. Something weird would happen, but it would play. Then I threw in Kathleen for her riot grrrl roots and punk songwriting style. Meg would add another punky element wither her simple, raw drumming. Then I threw in Grimes because she is an excellent producer and would craft some excellent electronic glue to hold the group together. The result is some sort of weird, electro-soul-punk magicalness, with a feminist agenda.

JOCELYN’S TEAM: Mothers of God

Janis Joplin, Ani DiFranco, Alanis Morrissette, Meredith Brooks, Mama Cass

My strategy was to start with the goddess of rock and roll, the one and only Janis and then add to her a collection of background vocalists so bad-ass and folky that the resulting combination could be nothing other than perfection. DeFranco, Morissette and Brooks are the fiery sparks that light the bluesy kindling of Joplin and Cass into a roaring flame of female vocal prowess. My group joins spunky lyrics and mellow tunes into the most beautiful and, but fierce sound (I imagine) anyone could ever hear.

Who wins the Fantasy Girl Group Draft?

  • Mothers of God (Jocelyn) (47%, 14 Votes)
  • Coronation (Codi) (20%, 6 Votes)
  • Blondtourage (Jessi) (20%, 6 Votes)
  • Dear Feminist Activist (Megan) (7%, 2 Votes)
  • Ring the Alarm (Krista) (7%, 2 Votes)

Total Voters: 30

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KRISTA’S TEAM: Ring the Alarm

Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, Jhene Aiko, Jennifer Hudson, Amy Winehouse

My strategy was obviously Beyonce. She could be the only member of this group and it would be amazing. But Jennifer Hudson’s powerful voice will only add to the greatness. We’ve already seen what Nicki and B can do and Jhene Aiko will mix the perfect amount of soft R&B behind them. Amy Winehouse’s deep vocals and jazzy feel will take this pop group to another level. With these four unique styles mixed with Queen B’s power vocals, this group is flawless.

JESSI’S TEAM: Blondtourage

Adele, Christina Aguilera, K.Flay, Ellie Goulding, P!nk 

My strategy was to have some different styles, but to still have divas. P!nk and K.Flay provide the punk more in your face style of artist. Adele and Christina can bring the jazz, soul and some trained voices into the mix. Ellie Goulding is pretty diverse and can provide a pop style. Plus she puts on a good show.

So who should win? You decide at marshallparthenon.com.

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1 Comment

One Response to “FANTASY GIRL GROUP DRAFT”

  1. Taylor on March 11th, 2015 3:26 pm

    This is the best thing that ever happened. #Team Mothers of God!

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